Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man serves as a supposed survival guide for women navigating the treacherous terrain of modern dating. It insists that men are driven by their need to provide, protect, and profess love—while women, the eternal strategists, must learn to “think like men” to keep them committed. However, reality often flips the script, and instead of lasting relationships, many women following this philosophy find themselves as single mothers, left deciphering unread text messages while juggling diapers and daycare bills.
The “90-day rule,” one of Harvey’s core principles, encourages women to withhold physical intimacy as a test of a man’s patience and dedication. Theoretically, this ensures she isn’t just another fleeting conquest. Yet, in an age where instant gratification is king, men unwilling to wait simply seek alternatives elsewhere, leaving behind women who played by the book—only to find themselves playing the role of a solo parent. While she hoped her self-restraint would secure loyalty, all it secured was an exhausting co-parenting arrangement where one parent is mysteriously always “too busy” to show up.
Harvey insists that men who love a woman will provide for her, but many women have mistaken a few fancy dinner dates and sporadic “good morning” texts for lifelong commitment. These so-called “providers” are generous until the pregnancy test comes back positive. Suddenly, the man who once insisted on paying for everything can’t even provide a basic child support check. He vanishes like a magician, reappearing only when threatened with legal action, and even then, he masterfully plays the victim, claiming that financial stability is an elusive dream—despite weekly Instagram posts from his latest vacation.
Then there’s the classic case of the man with “a plan”—the ambitious dreamer who speaks eloquently about his future, always emphasizing that he’s “not ready yet” for fatherhood because his empire is still under construction. He’s the entrepreneur, the visionary, the future millionaire—except his grand plans never seem to include raising a child. When reality strikes and responsibility knocks, he bolts, leaving his former partner to explain to their child why “Daddy is working on himself” instead of working on their relationship.
Women who follow Harvey’s advice are taught to have standards, demand commitment, and never settle. But even the most cautious fall prey to men who specialize in sweet talk, only to ghost them once reality becomes inconvenient. “I ain’t ready for this,” he mutters as he exits stage left, leaving the woman with a crying baby and a newfound appreciation for self-sufficiency. The worst part? He resurfaces years later, convinced that sharing a few motivational quotes on social media qualifies him as a good father, while the mother is left navigating sleepless nights, school fees, and the occasional awkward Father’s Day explanation.
Among Harvey’s warnings is the infamous “Mama’s Boy,” the man whose emotional umbilical cord was never cut. At first, his close relationship with his mother seems endearing, even admirable. But when faced with the responsibilities of fatherhood, he retreats back to his mother’s house, where he’s coddled and reassured that he “deserves to be happy” rather than burdened with a child. The result? A woman left to raise a child alone while the absentee father enjoys home-cooked meals and continues his never-ending journey of “finding himself.”
In the end, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man preaches patience, strategy, and self-respect, but it fails to account for the biggest flaw in its logic—men are not reading the same manual. While women meticulously follow the rules, many men are playing an entirely different game, one with no penalties for abandoning responsibility. And so, single parenting becomes an unintended consequence of a flawed playbook, where women are left thinking like men, acting like women, and ultimately, parenting alone.
Perhaps the real lesson isn’t about outsmarting men, but about choosing responsible adults in the first place. Because when the game is rigged, the only way to win is not to play at all.
The writer, MOSES WAWAH ONAPA is a senior educationist and a social commentator
