150 Million Shillings Coffee Money Stolen, Witch Doctor Arrested

(Kyotera) – A robbery in Kalisizo has brought together some of Uganda’s finest criminals, complete with an AK-47, a witch doctor, and 150 million shillings in coffee money.

It all started on a perfectly normal day in Kalisizo on August 24th, when Pulinali Semanda, the unsuspecting owner of Zavuga Coffee Investments, decided to withdraw a cool 150 million shillings from Centenary Bank. The money was meant to pay his workers and coffee suppliers. Little did he know, his cash would end up funding the brief joyride of some of the most daring thieves in town.

The moment Semanda got home with his cash, he was ambushed. The mastermind of this grand heist is Mwanje Gerald, also known in the streets as Kigere Muzeyi—a nickname that loosely translates to “Old Foot,” which, honestly, doesn’t sound as intimidating as his criminal track record. Mwanje must have figured that old feet are faster than they sound because he swiftly grabbed the bag of cash from Semanda’s car while his partner, Joseph Kagimu (alias Bruno), kept things interesting by pointing an AK 47 at the poor coffee tycoon.

And like any Ugandan plot that involves a robbery, a vehicle had to be involved. Alex Lule, aka Dodo is the guy who was responsible for transporting this modern day “Mission Impossible” crew to and from the crime scene. Dodo probably thought he was an expert getaway driver, but as now, they’re wanted criminals.

Because no Ugandan crime story is complete without some supernatural touch, Alex Nabbimba, their witch doctor, was roped in for “surveillance duties.” While the rest of the crew were doing the heavy lifting, Nabbimba was the one keeping an eye out for any security patrols, like some kind of mystical CCTV camera.

The robbery seemed perfect until police decided to do what they do best—investigate. After combing through CCTV footage, Mwanje was caught red handed, bag of cash in hand. His arrest on September 6th in Kalisizo town marked the beginning of the unraveling of this heist, which feels more like a script for Bukedde TV‘s Agataliiko Nfuufu than a real life crime.

In a move straight from an African drama scene, Mwanje spilled the beans and confessed to his role in the robbery. He was quick to point out his accomplices, including Bruno, who had the AK-47, and Dodo, the designated driver, and not suprisingly, Fred Senteza, the 25 year old boda boda rider and Mwanje’s very own brother. Bruno sent the bod boda driver on a special mission to pick up his car from a washing bay after sensing that police were sniffing around. Fred is now helping authorities track down the rest of the gang, including the witch doctor himself.

But what about the 150 million? Well, the suspects wasted no time after their big score, buying themselves new cars faster than you can say mpola mpola. Unfortunately for them, the police moved even faster, impounding the vehicles and leaving our thieves with nothing but their regrets and a few pairs of lubale shoes.

When your heist includes a witch doctor, an AK-47, and 150 million shillings, you probably know it’s not going to end well. The matter is not yet over and the police are now hot on the heels of the remaining suspects. If nothing else, this tale is a reminder that while Ugandans may be excellent at growing coffee, robbing coffee money might not be a sustainable career path.