When I met my current boyfriend in 2017, he had been single for several years. He had gotten out of a long relationship and wanted to take a break, so he hadn’t been interested in dating anyone seriously until he met me.
Since he was in the mood of not wanting to be with anyone, many women were not interested in him either, so it was very easy for him to be in that healing process.
People tend to ignore your other positive characteristics when you also don’t see yourself as a good match.
However, when we began to talk and formalize our relationship, he began to gain the attraction of many people around him. Many women began to follow him on social media, comment on photos and stories, and try to have a friendship that did not exist before.
I was surprised even to see people that I went to college in his followers count (so they were people who had seen him from my profile and knew he was my boyfriend but decided to follow him anyway).
Years later, in a conversation we had, I jokingly told him that I had made him more attractive than he already was and that since we were together, he had become the “dream man” of many women.
He told me that he didn’t understand why. He felt he was the same as always.
But after analyzing all the things he achieved while with me, we realized something: men in a relationship become more attractive because other people see how good a partner they can be.
It is easier for a woman to imagine a great boyfriend when she sees that man’s actions in his partner.
In the same way that many people prefer to see how something works before buying it, others want to know how a man behaves as a partner before entering into a relationship with him.
When they see someone making their girlfriend happy, they no longer see just a pretty face but someone willing to do anything in a relationship.
His physique is no longer what speaks for them, but also his actions, making him even more attractive than he really is.
My boyfriend was single for years, so women didn’t consider him because they didn’t know how good a boyfriend he could be. He wasn’t a social media person either, so it was easy to ignore him.
But when he started dating me, people began to see him more because of me. Not only did they see his face more often, but also his efforts.
This made many women realize how great he could be and feel that they deserved something like that.
People usually have a glow-up when they are in a healthy relationship. They tend to dress up more, go out to events, and post more happy photos together, which makes other people see that the person is doing them good and want that too.
Many women like to compare themselves with others, so they see themselves reflected as someone’s partner.
Comparing yourself to others is the root of many horrible feelings and behaviors, and this is one of them.
When people are single and idealize a relationship, it is normal to compare themselves with people who have one like the one they want. The problem is that putting yourself in the other person’s shoes makes you see the partner as a good match.
So, in consequence, you see that person more attractive because he has everything you want.
This can be tricky because you may not be really interested in that person, but you think you are because you see him doing things you would love in a partner. You could think you deserve someone like him, but it’s probably not him.
This happened to me once with a boyfriend I had a long time ago. One girl was obsessed with a relationship like the one I was in, so when we broke up, she tried to go on dates with him several times. But in the end, they didn’t stay together for long because he wasn’t what she expected.
She idealized him because of how I looked when I was with him, but that was not what she felt when they were together.
The problem with romanticizing someone and seeing them as a good boyfriend only because of what you see externally is that that person may not be what you really want, but you feel like they are just because you see someone else happier with him.
Many women have crushes on their male friends because they see their actions and feelings in the first row.
Finally, many women romanticize men in relationships when they are the best friends who support them and are there for them.
They are in the first row, watching how their friend talks about the girl they like and seeing all the efforts they make to get that girl to pay attention to them.
Then those girls start thinking about everything they would do if they were in the other girl’s place.
Men do not normally open up to the person they are with unless a lot of time has passed in the relationship, but they do open up to the person they trust (in this case, the best friend), and this makes women think that he is different from the rest.
The problem is that he’s probably just like anyone else. He only opens up to you about his feelings because he trusts you. Not because he is different.
Men in a relationship become more attractive because women see what they are capable of doing for a partner, something that is difficult to see while they are single.
But this also could mean that you are not really interested in him but in how he behaves when he has a partner. You, deep down, think you deserve something like that, and as he is already doing it, you consider it a good catch.
I personally consider this a bad behavior, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a bad person unless you take action about it.
I prefer exclusive surprises and new people who teach me about life without having met them before.
Still, I understand that most people prefer to buy something when they have already seen how it works. That’s why they feel it is normal to consider someone a good match after seeing him in a relationship.
Many women also have a crush on their male best friend because they see in the first row how his feelings are and what they do for their girlfriends. They hope that one day, someone (that could be him) will treat him like that, too.
Analyzing this situation made me realize how lucky I am to have given my boyfriend a chance when no one else had considered it because it helped me discover how great someone can be, even when no one else did before.
