Government Investigates ICC Advisor for Unexpectedly Generous Contributions to Kony’s Retirement Fund

Brigid Inder Kony Support ICC - International Criminal Court Urged to Investigate Former Employee's Ties to Joseph Kony
International Criminal Court Urged to Investigate Former Employee's Ties to Joseph Kony
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The Ugandan government has decided to launch an investigation into allegations that Inder Brigid, the former special advisor to the International Criminal Court (ICC) prosecutor, did her best impression of a modern day Robin Hood by generously providing funds and even sex slaves to Joseph Kony, the notorious leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA).

You see, Brigid, the former executive director of Women’s Initiative for Gender Justice (WIGJ), allegedly had a side gig as Kony’s personal financier and concierge between 2006 and 2017. The victims, who apparently have an excellent sense of timing, have come forward to accuse Brigid of facilitating and funding Kony’s escapades in a real life thriller of aiding and abetting crimes against humanity, sexual slavery, and human trafficking.

Brigid, who once advised ICC prosecutor Fatou Bensoud (now the Gambian High Commissioner to the UK), must have had a jam packed schedule. In a statement from September 21, 2023, the victims’ lawyer, Joanna Frivet, revealed that WIGJ is still searching for an independent investigator to examine this gripping saga. Uganda, for its part, has graciously agreed to get in on the action and investigate these jaw-dropping allegations as well.

Attorney General Kiryowa Kiwanuka confirmed that the government received the complaint when he had a spare moment between meetings. They’ve even put together a crack team to investigate the matter, suggesting that they’re taking this spectacle very seriously. If they find that these shenanigans occurred on Ugandan soil, Brigid might just become the star of a new reality show: “Behind Bars with the ICC Advisor.”

According to Frivet, Brigid apparently embarked on countless excursions to meet Kony and handed him cash like it was going out of style. Some of these field trips even featured former LRA sex slaves as travel companions. Now, that’s what we call a humanitarian mission! Allegedly, Brigid recruited these former sex slaves with the help of an American company called 31 Bits, which must have been moonlighting as a talent agency for shady dealings in Northern Uganda.

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Brigid apparently used her connections in the UK and former WIGJ staff members in the Netherlands as her financial intermediaries to send money to the LRA through Western Union. You know, just your typical international wire transfer for purchasing weapons. Who needs PayPal when you can arm insurgents?

As we all know, Kony’s LRA has been the life of the party in the Great Lakes Region for 36 years, casually racking up a body count of more than 100,000 civilians, displacing millions, and kidnapping thousands of children. Kony himself is something of a celebrity, wanted by the ICC for crimes against humanity. Yet, despite his busy schedule, he still manages to find time to continue killing, mutilating, and kidnapping, all while maintaining a side gig as a matchmaker, using women as sex slaves.

The story gets even juicier when we learn that Brigid first made contact with Kony in 2006 in the DRC.

Money, of course, plays a pivotal role in this thrilling tale. According to a mysterious witness (who conveniently wishes to remain anonymous), Brigid kicked off her financial aid campaign with a cool $25,000 gift to Kony in 2006. But that was just a drop in the bucket. Between 2006 and 2007, she allegedly wired anywhere from $40,000 to $60,000 through Western Union, ensuring that Kony’s commanders in Juba could have a shopping spree for all their weapon needs.

But let’s not forget the crowdfunding effort Brigid apparently organized between 2014 and 2015. She used unsuspecting junior staff members of WIGJ in the Netherlands as her personal money mules, all in the name of supporting local partners for WIGJ projects. Little did these employees know that they were helping finance bullets, hand grenades, bombs, landmines, and a variety of fashionable AK-47s.

Naturally, Brigid has flatly denied these allegations, insisting that she has never handed Kony envelopes full of cash, trafficked sex slaves, or played matchmaker for former LRA commanders. She even called the allegations “untrue and sensational,” as if funding a warlord’s shopping spree is just another day at the office.

As for Fatou Bensouda, the former ICC prosecutor, she claims to know nothing about these allegations involving Brigid. But we’re sure she’ll make time to binge watch this drama unfold.

In the end, Brigid, a self-proclaimed peacebuilder, advocate, and mediator, has certainly shown us a new way to promote world peace: by generously funding the activities of a warlord. It’s a career move that can only be described as “out of this world,” and we can only imagine that Queen Elizabeth, who once awarded Brigid for her services to women’s rights and international justice, would be proud… if she were still around to witness this unbelievable story.

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