Gov’t Slams Wild Claims of 400 Human Sacrifices for Karuma Bridge Reopening

(Gulu) – Ugandans can breathe easy – no 400 human sacrifices are required to reopen Karuma Bridge, despite rumors suggesting otherwise.

In what can only be described as a public service announcement for the ages, Brigadier General Felix Busizoori, the commander of the Uganda Peoples’ Defence Forces (UPDF) 4th Infantry Division, has come out swinging against the ridiculous claim that 400 human sacrifices are needed to reopen Karuma Bridge.

On November 20, 2024, during a press conference in Gulu City, the seasoned military officer crushed these unsubstantiated rumors with the kind of confidence that only someone who has probably seen it all can muster. “This is 100 percent false,” Brigadier General Busizoori said with the kind of finality that left no room for further speculation.

Now, while most Ugandans are busy trying to figure out how to juggle work, school, and surviving the daily hustle, a handful of online conspiracy theorists decided to cook up the bizarre story of needing 400 people for a sacrificial offering to “bless” the Karuma Bridge. Perhaps they were confused by some old myth about bridges being built over cursed waters – who knows? But it was enough to send ripples of fear through the community.

For schoolchildren, farmers, business owners, and anyone with a reasonable fear of, you know, not being sacrificed, the rumors have triggered unnecessary panic. “The goal is to scare people, especially with the political campaigns around the corner,” Brigadier General Busizoori pointed out. Apparently, some individuals believe that spreading terror about human sacrifice can somehow discredit the government. But Busizoori was quick to remind them that the only thing their efforts have achieved so far is making people afraid to even step out of their homes, let alone go to their gardens to work.

And as for the people spreading these twisted stories? The UPDF is on their tail. “We are doing everything it takes to track down the culprits and hold them accountable,” said Brigadier General Busizoori, adding that justice will be served, whether through legal means or through the power of public shaming.

As if things weren’t bizarre enough, Senior Superintendent of Police (SSP) Samuel Asiimwe joined the fray, making it clear that this isn’t some African “House of Horrors” scenario. The rumors about headless bodies and other such grotesque tales are pure fiction. In fact, SSP Asiimwe was happy to report that aside from a single unfortunate murder case in Amuru District, there has been no actual violence. “If they were really interested in the heads, they would have taken them,” he quipped, reminding the public that people aren’t just walking around collecting heads for fun.

It appears that social media is the real culprit here, with images from West Africa – completely unrelated to Uganda – being shared as part of the disinformation campaign. But never fear, the police and security forces are on top of it. “We are in control, and we urge calm as investigations continue,” said SSP Asiimwe, no doubt hoping that Ugandans would go back to doing what they do best – hustling and creating memes, but preferably without the human sacrifice angle.

The story of Karuma Bridge has become a cautionary tale about the power of misinformation and just how quickly fear can spread when a couple of people with a smartphone and a twisted imagination get involved. So, to anyone still concerned about the “sacrifices” – relax, folks. No human offerings required, just some good old-fashioned roadworks.