The esteemed Honorable Tinkasiimire Barnabas Ateenyi has taken it upon himself to give a friendly nudge to our freshly appointed minister, Mr. Balaam in what seems like a scene from a comedy sketch. With a playful wink and a nudge reminiscent of an elder gossiping under a mango tree, Hon. Tinkasiimire beckons Minister Balaam to focus his attention on the sprightly affairs of Uganda’s youth.
With a touch of sarcasm as thick as matoke stew, Hon. Tinkasiimire reminds Minister Balaam of the stark reality that’s as common as a boda-boda on Kampala streets: a whopping 80% of our young folks are idling about like lost goats in a maze, desperately seeking jobs that seem to be as elusive as a unicorn in the wilds of Kidepo Valley. And if that’s not enough to make you choke on your Rolex, brace yourself for this: more than half of our school-going children are dropping out faster than a matooke seller’s inventory during a power outage, all due to the simple fact that their pockets are as empty as a politician’s promises come election season.
Uganda, bless its heart, is now the proud home to 450,000 teenage mamas-to-be, a statistic that could rival the population of some of our smaller districts. Minister Balaam, do you feel the weight of responsibility yet? If not, allow Hon. Tinkasiimire to sprinkle a little more salt in that wound.
This friendly reminder from Hon. Tinkasiimire comes hot on the heels of a rather ambitious post by Minister Balaam’s fellow comrade-in-arms, Balaam Barugahara. In what can only be described as a lyrical ode to Gen Kainerugaba, the Chief of Defence Forces and master of all things strategic, Balaam Barugahara painted a picture so rosy you’d think he’d mistaken Uganda for the Garden of Eden.
In a list as long as the Nile River, Balaam Barugahara extolled the virtues of Gen Kainerugaba like a market vendor selling the juiciest mangoes in Luweero. From patriotism to philanthropy, from transparency to unity, it seemed there was nothing Gen Kainerugaba couldn’t do, except perhaps magically conjure jobs for our idle youth or prevent schoolgirls from exchanging textbooks for baby bottles.
But amidst this theatrical performance of praise, one can’t help but wonder: What about Minister Balaam, the fresh-faced politician plucked from obscurity by the all-knowing hand of Yoweri K. Museveni himself? With a political resume as thin as a reed mat, Minister Balaam finds himself thrust into the limelight like a hapless actor in a poorly scripted play.
So, Minister Balaam, as you navigate the treacherous waters of Ugandan politics, remember the sage advice of Hon. Tinkasiimire: focus on the youth, for they are the future of this nation. And if all else fails, just remember to smile for the cameras and wave like you mean it. After all, in Ugandan politics, sometimes it’s not about what you do, but how good you look doing it.
