Uganda is a cattle republic where the phrase “ordinary day” means something entirely different. Buckle up, foreigners, because you know you’ve lived in the Pearl of Africa when…
- Three hours to pay two bills feels like a productive afternoon. Because, who needs productivity when you can embrace bureaucracy with open arms?
- Dodging potholes, pedestrians, cows, goats, motorcycles, and three cars on a two-lane road is just another Tuesday.
- You can’t greet a total stranger without asking, “Hello, how are you?” Who needs small talk when you can dive straight into the deep end of politeness?
- Out tune Christmas music heralds the arrival of an ice cream vendor. Because ice cream tastes better when paired with a questionable rendition of “Jingle Bells.”
- Directions often come with landmarks like speed humps and boda stages. Who needs Google Maps when you have these tried and true navigational aids?
- Haggling in markets is a source of endless joy. Negotiating is practically an Olympic sport here.
- You’ve seen more passengers on a boda (motorcycle taxi) than most cars can hold. It’s a talent, really.
- Trees are known by the fruit they bear. In Uganda, you are what you grow!
- You’ve stood a mile from a downtown area of a city on a sunny day and still couldn’t see any buildings. Who needs skylines anyway?
- That fever? Malaria, obviously. Hypochondria has never been more popular.
- The number of lanes on a street depends on the width of the sidewalks. Sidewalks are just extra lanes, right?
- You’ve gone to bed on a flat mattress and woken up in a mattress bowl. It’s like a gentle hug from your bed every night.
- 70 degrees Fahrenheit feels a bit chilly. Time to break out the parkas and wool caps!
- Four to six water leaks in your neighborhood at any given time seem perfectly normal. Water features, courtesy of the city.
- Weddings can last for days.
- You can have fresh fish delivered and filleted at your door, but finding suitable hardware to fix that door takes a week. Priorities, right?
- It’s summer year-round. Winter? What’s that?
- Having power two nights in a row is a cause for celebration. The dark ages aren’t over just yet.
- You’ve received a mobile phone text at least a day after it was sent. It’s like getting a message from the past.
- You wonder if you live in a testing ground for automotive horns. Honk if you love Uganda!
- Locals don parkas, wool caps, and gloves when the temperature dips below 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Winter is coming, and it’s a chilly 70°F!
- Ants, flies, and other insects in the house don’t seem so bad if you haven’t had cockroaches or bats lately. Perspective is everything.
- You’ve spent 30 minutes in indirect communication to be asked the real question. Just a warm-up for the main event.
- You think dirt roads are smoother than paved ones. Potholes are like speed bumps for the adventurous.
- You’ve seen a pothole on a speed hump. The ultimate obstacle course.
- You consider Christmas the hottest time of the year. Santa needs sunscreen here.
- You’ve seen at least five directions of traffic on a two-lane road. Rules are made to be bent, right?
- Celebrations often involve the slaughter of a cow, goat, lamb, or chicken. Vegetarian options are for the weak.
- There are at least six varieties of bananas. Why have one when you can have six?
- You’ve spent a week trying to get an email to go through. Snail mail is faster.
- You think a two-hour church service is pretty short. Spiritual marathons, anyone?
- You’ve seen/heard traveling radio stations on lorry trucks. Who needs Spotify when you have mobile DJ trucks?
- You see tremendous hope for Africa and pray for God’s Kingdom to keep growing. Because in the midst of the chaos, there’s always room for optimism.
Embrace the chaos and keep the laughter flowing! Don’t forget to have your say in the comments.
