(Ibanda) – Deus Kiiza, a 29 year old resident of Ibanda, found himself standing before Grade One Magistrate Esther Murungi, not for ploughing fields or lifting jerrycans as his size might suggest, but for an assault charge. Kiiza, who seems to have mistaken his walking stick for a weapon, was in court for whacking 55 year old Norida Nagasha over what can only be imagined was an intense disagreement.
The event took place last month in Kikoni Central, Bufunda division, where Kiiza and Nagasha crossed paths on her way to the local trading center. Instead of exchanging pleasantries, Kiiza decided to take things to the next level by delivering a solid hit with his walking stick. Now, if there’s one thing Ugandans know, it’s that kiboko (the stick) is no laughing matter, especially when used outside the realms of disciplining unruly goats. Unfortunately for Nagasha, she was the unlucky recipient of Kiiza’s misdirected energy.
Like any sensible Ugandan woman with a solid survival instinct, Nagasha didn’t stick around for a second round. She ran to the nearest home, leaving Kiiza to wonder why his victim didn’t stick around for the encore. She later reported the assault to the local council (LC1) chairperson, who escalated the matter to the police, leading to Kiiza’s arrest and subsequent charge. One can only imagine the LC1 chairperson shaking his head in disapproval, muttering, “Eh, even big men like this one can’t control their temper.”
Kiiza, who spent three weeks on remand at Nyabuhikye Prison, was eventually brought back to court. Now, here’s where things took a turn for the unexpected. Instead of coming up with the usual excuses or blaming the walking stick for having a mind of its own, Kiiza pled guilty to the assault. A rare sight in court, akin to a boda-boda rider admitting to cutting you off in traffic. His honesty didn’t go unnoticed.
Magistrate Murungi acknowledged Kiiza’s plea and warned him in a manner that would make any Ugandan elder proud. “If you go back and touch that woman or anyone else, and you are brought here again, I will hand you the maximum sentence.” She further advised him to avoid fighting altogether, reminding him that with his size and strength, a single blow could be lethal. Essentially, Murungi was telling Kiiza what every Ugandan knows: “Omuntu mukulu ye bwekulira amanyi, naye eby’okulwanisa aggyewo.” (A grown man doesn’t go around fighting, he lets go of such things.)
Kiiza’s size was mentioned not once, but twice during the hearing, making one wonder whether the walking stick was even necessary. Perhaps he could have settled matters with just a glare. In the end, Kiiza’s prayers were answered. Instead of a harsh sentence, he was given three days of community service—five hours each day at the court premises. Should he fail to show up, however, the court won’t hesitate to slap him with six months behind bars, which means he’ll have plenty of time to think about his walking stick and its mischief.
| Name | Age | Charge | Sentence | Alternative |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Deus Kiiza | 29 | Assault | 3 days of community service | 6 months jail if default |
Now, Ugandan justice isn’t always this lenient. Assault, after all, carries a maximum sentence of five years. But the court, taking into account that Kiiza didn’t waste anyone’s time by pleading guilty and expressed his desire to reform, decided to show mercy. It was one of those rare moments when a man’s honesty paid off, though perhaps not in the way he expected.
For Nagasha, though, this might serve as a reminder that one should always keep a safe distance from anyone wielding a walking stick with too much enthusiasm. As for Kiiza, he might want to leave the walking stick at home next time or, at the very least, use it for its intended purpose—walking, not settling disputes.
We can only hope Kiiza takes the magistrate’s words to heart as he walks around the court premises with his broom and bucket for the next three days, . After all, there are better ways to settle arguments than by turning into a real life kalimagezi (strongman) in the middle of the road. Hopefully, this will be the last time we hear of Deus Kiiza and his walking stick adventures.
