Good morning, Uganda! Rise and shine for the most awaited day of the year—the grand unveiling of our national budget for FY 2024/25. Yes, today is the day when every Ugandan should pretend to care deeply about the country’s finances, because, let’s be honest, it’s a day that’s as thrilling as a boda boda ride through Kampala’s traffic!
This extravaganza will take place at the Kololo Independence Grounds, the go-to venue for all significant non-events. It’s the same place we gather for grand celebrations, state ceremonies, and now, for the dramatic reading of a budget that promises opportunities for ‘exploitation’. And no, that’s not a typo—’exploitation’ is indeed the word they chose, probably as a rare moment of honesty.
For those of you who can’t make it to Kololo, fear not. The proceedings will be broadcast live across all major TV channels: NBS TV, UBC TV, NTV Uganda, and Bukedde TV. So, you can enjoy the spectacle from the comfort of your home, perhaps while eating some roasted maize and contemplating the last time a government budget actually impacted your life positively.
The Ministry of Finance, with all the excitement of a school headmaster announcing exam results, urges us to “work together to improve our livelihoods, join the money economy, pay our fair share of taxes, and sustainably grow the economy.” Ah, the sweet irony! Join the money economy, they say, as if every Ugandan isn’t already hustling to make ends meet in a system that often feels like a rigged game of ludo.
Let’s not forget the noble call to pay our fair share of taxes. It’s a heartwarming reminder that while the common mwananchi dutifully parts with their hard-earned shillings, certain big fish continue to swim in tax-free waters, untouched and undisturbed.
And what would a budget day be without the usual promises? Expect a dazzling array of commitments to infrastructure, education, healthcare, and agriculture. Perhaps we’ll even hear about the elusive “middle-income status” that’s always just around the corner, much like a matatu that’s always “coming soon” but never quite arrives.
So, dear Ugandans, mark your calendars and clear your schedules. Today’s the day to witness a performance that rivals the best dramas our local TV stations have to offer. Whether you’re at Kololo or tuning in from home, grab your popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the show. Because, at the end of the day, isn’t that what this is all about? A grand performance where we all play our parts and pretend that the next fiscal year will be different from the last?
See you at Kololo, or perhaps not. But either way, here’s to another year of spectacular promises and dubious realities. Cheers!
Disclaimer
This article is a satirical piece, and any resemblance to actual events, persons, or budgets is purely coincidental. Reader discretion is advised.
