In a truly astonishing display of leadership, Abdel Fattah al-Burhan, the self-proclaimed ruler of Sudan, embarked on yet another glamorous diplomatic excursion. On a sunny Saturday, while his nation continued to crumble into chaos, Burhan graced Uganda’s President Museveni with his presence.
This one-day “working visit” saw Burhan and Museveni discuss matters of great importance, or so we are led to believe by a succinct statement from the Ugandan presidency. No details were offered, of course, because why burden the public with the specifics of their deliberations?
In case you’ve been living under a rock, Sudan has been engulfed in a relentless war since April, a delightful little conflict ignited by the egos of Burhan and his once-trusted deputy, Mohamed Hamdan Daglo. The regular army, under Burhan’s not-so-watchful eye, has been joyfully battling it out with the paramilitary Rapid Support Forces, led by the ever-ambitious Daglo.
Oh, but let’s not forget the brief intermission in the Khartoum clashes where Burhan was hiding out for a spell. Residents enjoyed a whole two weeks of peace before the RSF decided to pepper the area with artillery fire. The locals must have been thrilled.
Residents also report that the RSF has taken up a new hobby – firing heavy artillery at the army headquarters in central Khartoum. It’s like a never-ending fireworks show, but with actual casualties.
But fear not, because our fearless leader Burhan, now conveniently stationed in Port Sudan, has embarked on a global tour, racking up more frequent flyer miles than any leader in recent memory. He’s already visited Egypt, South Sudan, Qatar, Eritrea, Turkey, and now Uganda. Who knew globe-trotting could be such a great distraction from, you know, governing?
While Burhan enjoys his jet-setting lifestyle, more than 7,500 people have met their unfortunate demise since this conflict began. Not to mention the five million people uprooted from their homes, with a million seeking refuge in neighboring countries. But who’s counting?
The conflict rages on, with neither side gaining the upper hand. The army controls the skies, while Daglo’s forces have settled in residential areas. Civilian casualties rise as the army intensifies airstrikes to regain control of parts of the capital. But, hey, at least Burhan is racking up those international stamps on his passport.
It’s worth mentioning that Burhan has been Sudan’s de facto ruler since the ousting of the notorious Omar al-Bashir in 2019. He was entrusted with steering Sudan toward democracy. Well, as the saying goes, “When the going gets tough, the tough go globetrotting.”